The Value of Suffering I - Joyful Accounts from the Valley of the Shadow of Death

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The Value of Suffering I - Joyful Accounts from the Valley of the Shadow of Death

by Sister Jing Rong Wang, June, 2003

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My Family - Finding Joy through Suffering
I was born into a Christian family that was afflicted by poverty, sorrow and suffering. My father, Wang Li Gang, was a son who showed much devotion to his parents and so he was also named the Loving Third, being the third child. He came to know the Lord as a young man through his general-in-command, Feng Yu Xiang. My father was a very warm-hearted and caring Christian, yet at the same time he was outspoken and upright. He was a man who would not bow to the forces of evil.

I was the fifth child in a family of many girls. As the fourth was also a girl, my grandmother called my elder sister "Grandma's Misery." Grandma was a traditional woman with feudal values. She preferred boys and did not like girls. So when I came along, Grandma disliked me even more. Even when I was five years old, I was not able to walk. Grandma called me "The Lame One." She strictly forbade my mother to pick me up and hold me. I was to be raised as a dog. Whether I lived or died would not matter at all. I asked my mother, "Why won't you pick me up?" She tearfully replied, "I don't have the 'good fortune' to hold you. If I pick you up, your grandmother will beat me." When my grandmother passed away, my mother cared for me most lovingly and so I grew very quickly. I started schooling when I was seven.

There were ten of us in my family and we all relied on a single donkey to grind flour for us. After selling the flour, we would make porridge out of the leftover bran. This porridge did not fill our stomachs and we often went hungry. I will never forget the poem my third older brother wrote, describing the pitiful condition of our family. It was written during the twelfth month of the lunar year, with howling north winds blowing and heavy snow falling. The poem, translated, goes like this:

Another year's end. Snow falls, thick and bright,
Melting in fragrant plumes of smoke all over the city.
Neighbors' stoves are burning heartily; their homes, bathed in light.

Another year's end. Snow falls, heavy and cold,
Settling in our dusty chimney.
We watch the storm, our bowls empty; our clothes, drab and old.

Everyone was joyfully welcoming the New Year, preparing all sorts of delicacies - steamed, sautéed and fried - that filled the air with an appetizing aroma. Families went shopping so that they could enjoy the New Year wearing new clothes.

There were, however, no preparations going on in our kitchen, and nothing cooking on the stove. In fact, we had nothing to eat. All of us girls were sad, but my father was not at all troubled. Instead, he turned our attention to worshipping the Lord. We girls were very helpful to each other and our older brothers loved us deeply. And God was with us. In this way, our family still bubbled with the holiday spirit. Poverty and deprivation actually molded us into an extraordinarily close-knit family.

When my three brothers grew older, they attended Christian schools. As a result, they not only received a good education but also a basic foundation in their faith. They loved to sing praises to God, and also played the flute and the hou lou qin, a two-stringed instrument. Each one of us was musically gifted and we became a family very blessed by God.

With All His Heart, Strength and Faithfulness
One day, my father took the family donkey to a Christian meeting and presented it to the Lord. The donkey was our only means of livelihood. At that time, Father was only concerned with loving the Lord. He did not worry about other things while my mother was always anxious, often losing sleep over the daily needs of our family. My father had faith and hope, relying in the Lord Who loves us.

Shortly after my father gave away the donkey, the Lord provided us with two milk goats. So we began selling goat's milk. Gradually, our goat herd multiplied and our customers increased. My brother's friend also gave us a milk cow, so we soon had our own family dairy. We were the only dairy farm in our little township, so that even the rich folk bought milk from us regularly. We thanked our heavenly Father for unexpectedly providing a means for us to make a living. And we were happier as life became more stable.

A Merciless War
The Lugouqiao (Marco Polo Bridge) Incident in 1937 led to the outbreak of the merciless war between China and Japan. The Japanese army murdered, plundered, set fires and raped wherever they went. Every heart was gripped with terror. Our family, along with everybody else, fled to the countryside while my three brothers joined the resistance at school to fight the Japanese. We did not know where they were and could only pray that God would keep them safe.

My father was a very patriotic man and was very proud of his own nation. As he could not bear living under Japanese oppression, he too set his mind to join the resistance. However, the ruthless enemy arrested him only six months after enlisting. Before he was put to death, he asked for a few minutes to pray. On his knees, he offered up his spirit and pleaded with the Lord to look after his wife and children. Thus, my father was martyred in a temple cave.

Afterwards, our home was completely looted. It was the 21^st day of the twelfth month of the lunar year. Piercing winds swept over thick snow and ice that enveloped everything in sight. With everything gone and Father dead, my mother was in unspeakable grief. And one day, while she was crying bitterly, she lapsed into unconsciousness. Although many tried to save her, she remained in a coma facing imminent death. My older sister and I rocked Mother in our arms as we were filled with boundless sorrow. We did not want to leave her even for a moment. We wailed at the top of our voices, crying, "Mama! Oh, my mama!" and "O Lord, my Lord! Please don't let Mama leave us in such misery!" And God heard our cries. He saw our suffering and agony. He knew that we were heartbroken and that we did know how to continue living. So the Lord took pity on us. My mother came out of her coma and we were able to hug one another tightly and lovingly again.

Walking through the Valley of the Shadow of Death
Mother was in grief the second day after Father died. And while she was praying, she saw three angels dressed in white passing by her side, saying, "Leave here quickly." Mother was taken aback. The next night, again while she was praying, she saw three angels in white passing by her, saying, "Leave here quickly." When the vision appeared yet again for the third night in a row, it dawned on Mother that the Lord was speaking to her. Filled with faith and strength, she immediately gathered us to leave.

Through pitch-darkness, Mother led us by the hand to leave the horrifying place we were in where our lives were in danger. We could hear dogs barking fiercely and we were terribly frightened that the enemy would pursue us. In the biting cold, my older sister and I took turns to carry our little brother while holding our younger sisters' hands. Each time we slipped and fell, we got up again. Not knowing where we were going, we cried out, "O Lord! Please help us!" We were utterly exhausted.

By dawn, we had covered eighteen kilometers and arrived at Brother Li Bao Ming's home. He was Father's old friend and a brother who loved the Lord. He warmly welcomed our family, and so our hearts were filled with peace and relief. It was as though, after struggling in stormy seas, we had reached restful, quiet waters.

We learned later that the day after we had fled, the enemy had sent men to our home to arrest my older sister and me. If we had not left that night, we would have met our end. Thank the Lord! His thoughts are higher than our thoughts. O Lord, how precious are Your thoughts! I will praise You continually!

At that time, I recalled the heart-rending words of my father's last prayer before his execution. God had heard him, and the Lord did not forget his wife and children. In the valley of the shadow of death, we experienced the protection and care of the Lord, Who loves each one of us.

The Warmth of Mother's Love
I especially want to thank the Lord for giving me a mother who loved Him and was willing to suffer for Him. During those times when the political situation was chaotic and bandits were everywhere, it was almost impossible to travel. Many good-hearted people saw how difficult it was for Mother to take care of five children. So they tried to persuade her to give my older sister and me away in marriage to families with good prospects. We were at the age that was inconvenient to be taken along during such turmoil.

It was a dilemma that deeply pained my mother. Yet by faith she said, "I've already come this far. How can I leave my children behind? If we die, we die together. I can't leave them behind." Depending on the Lord for strength, Mother, with us by her side, was able to walk sixty kilometers in two days. She would sing,

Do not be afraid; only believe.

Do not look at man;

Do not look at circumstances.

Only gaze upon the Lord Jesus and

Walk with Him to the heavenly home.

I could feel God's powerful strength sustaining Mother. The radiance in her shone brilliantly like the splendid rising sun and it will always shine in my heart. Her prayers in the dead of night constantly touched me. I will never forget one of Mother's favorite hymns, which goes like this:

Walking the heavenly road is difficult and hard.

People misunderstand, but Jesus knows me.

The Compassionate Father always embraces me.

The flesh suffers, but the soul rejoices.

When cooking, Mother would pump the bellows and fan the fire as though she was playing the accordion. When she sang, it was as though there was accompaniment. She loved to sing Psalm 34. Mother suffered much but she was still joyful.

Hard Times
Soon afterwards, life became even more difficult. Mother took us into town and worked as a seamstress. For this she was given half a kilo of sorghum flour a day and seven and a half kilos of soy cake a week. I got up early every day to cut grass which was sold to cattle raisers. At night, I worked as a go-fer. I gave every cent I earned to Mother to help provide for the family. My older sister and I studied and worked concurrently. In three years of junior high school, I never bought a textbook; instead, I borrowed my classmates' books. I often cried as I studied, partly because I was hungry and also because I had to wear tattered clothes for which I was despised. I was so sad that I often took walks in the school sports field by myself to pray to the Lord. Only by pouring my heart out to the Lord could I be comforted.

My older sister was admitted to a nursing school for a four-year program. When the time came for her departure, I carried my younger brother along to send her off at the train station. I bought her a few steamed buns to eat on the way, but she gave them to our little brother because he wanted to eat them. So she traveled, hungry, to the nursing school in Henan Province. With teary eyes and an aching heart, I waved goodbye to her until I could no longer see her. During those years, I went hungry many times. As hunger pangs gripped me, I would cry out to the Lord for help. I often gathered wild herbs in the fields to fill my stomach. Others despised me for being poor, and their ridiculing and condescending looks often tore at my heart. On many occasions, I stayed at home, crying because I did not want to see them. I prayed at home and found peace and comfort in my heart. If the Lord had not been there for me, I would have despaired long ago. The Lord was the strength of my heart!

Trained through Tribulation
I remember one time when a bomb thrown by Japanese soldiers landed right beside me. I was buried in flying debris, but I was not killed. I thank the Lord for preserving my life.

On another occasion, while I was washing clothes by the river, a Japanese soldier walked by. For no reason, He kicked me and I fell into the river. I didn't dare move a muscle as I floated on the water and cried within, "O Lord, please save me." The Japanese soldier roared with laughter and then left.

On still another occasion, a traitor came with Japanese soldiers in the night. They looked fierce as they barged in, demanding to search our home. When I replied the traitor in Japanese, he smilingly said, "All right," and left. Actually, those were the only Japanese sentences I knew. The Japanese soldiers had deliberately come to our home because they knew that I had a few brothers who were serving in the anti-Japanese resistance army. So they jumped on us suddenly to check if my brothers were home. I thank the Lord for protecting us once more.

In 1942, I was accepted into the Xuzhou Provincial Teachers' Training College. There, I was able to eat my fill and so my health improved. But what was more important to me was to study diligently. I thank my heavenly Father for providing me with such a wonderful opportunity. Oh, how I want to praise His Name!

I will never forget the day I moved into the college dormitory. Though it was cold that night and all my schoolmates were already in bed, I was still praying in the yard. "How can I sleep, O Lord, when I don't have a blanket?" I cried out. So I stood in the yard waiting for the Lord to be merciful to me. After a while, my classmate, Wang Hua, who was two years older than me, called me in to sleep. I told her that I did not have a blanket. She said, "We can both share mine." From that time on until we graduated three years later, she deeply cared for me as a younger sister. I was especially thankful to the Lord for this. I could see that the Lord had prepared for me in advance a schoolmate who loved me so graciously.

Yet another time, there was an elderly brother in the Lord who came all the way to Xuzhou to visit me. As he knew I was very short of money, he wanted to give me two silver dollars. At that time, however, I was reluctant to take money from others because neither Mother nor I had the means to repay him. So I firmly declined his money. During the process, however, one of the silver dollars rolled into the wheat field and got lost. I was very upset and felt I owed him a deep apology. He had offered money to me out of his love, but I had not wanted to be in debt to him. Although I had never intended for him to lose his money, I had upset him and was unworthy of his kindness. I prayed that the Lord would forgive me and bless him richly.

In 1943, my older sister came to visit me in Xuzhou. When she saw my thin clothing, she immediately took off her padded jacket and gave it to me. The weather was very cold and I could hardly bear to see her shivering. As we said goodbye, tears welled up in my eyes. I deeply respect my sister. Both of us grew up in destitution and distress, and so we loved each other and were united in heart. Even today, she loves the Lord and me deeply. I thank the Lord for letting us grow up together in His training camp of suffering.

I graduated in 1945 and returned home the day after the ceremony. The Head of my alma mater invited me to teach there, which was something I had never dreamed of. I thanked the Lord for His grace because this job gave me the opportunity to pay for my brothers and sisters' schooling. Those who had previously looked down on me took the initiative to befriend me. Now that times were better, I felt happier. Most of the students were Christians, and some colleagues had even graduated from seminaries. We often gathered to worship, pray and fellowship and we got along very harmoniously. I admired them for their exuberant spiritual lives and virtuous conduct. I, too, wanted to go to seminary so that the Lord could use me. I was hoping that the Lord would give me the opportunity.

Walking with God through Peril
During this period, something happened which allowed me to experience the sweetness of being with the Lord when in danger. This incident happened at the end of 1946. It was a time of utter unrest in China. The Sino-Japanese War had just concluded and everybody was hoping to catch their breath after eight years of turmoil. However, the Nationalists and the Communists were setting the stage for a civil war. We heard that in some areas, combat was already very intense. Not far from our home, north of Jiangsu Province, the New 4^th Troop of the Communist army and the Nationalist army were gathering their forces. Their conflict was intensifying. Although we lived a good hundred kilometers from the combat zone and could not hear the gunfire, we heard many rumors and all kinds of news about which side was winning, and how badly the other side was losing. Everyone was frightened. My third brother and his wife both belonged to the New 4^th Troop, and we worried ourselves sick over them because at that time, the Communist army was not a good match for the Nationalist army. After a major conflict in Southern Anhui Province, the 4^th Troop had to be totally regrouped after losing their commander-in-chief, Ye Ting. The army had shrunk substantially in size and it was badly equipped. If they had to engage in battle again, they would lose without question. It was precisely at this time that our worst fear was realized.

In mid-December, 1946, I unexpectedly received a letter from Siyang County in Jiangsu Province. We had no relatives in Siyang. Who could the letter be from? Since the Communist and the Nationalist armies were fighting in Siyang County, I guessed that it must be news from my third brother. Hastily, I tore the envelope open and found a letter in unfamiliar but fine handwriting which suggested that it was written by a woman:

Dear Younger Sister,

I have been arrested and locked up in Siyang Detention Camp.
You know that I am innocent. Please come quickly to Siyang as soon as you receive this letter because they need a guarantor in order to release me. Please come quickly - the sooner the better.

Personally written by Sister-in-law

I received the letter in the morning. At noon, I told my family about Sister-in-law's predicament. The whole family was both shocked and distressed. I told them that we must go and rescue my sister-in-law. I thought, God wants us to love others; we cannot stand by passively when someone is in such danger.

I went to see the Headmistress, a sister in the Lord, that very afternoon. After listening to my request for leave, she was put in a difficult situation. The end of the school term was fast approaching and the school was at its busiest. We were preparing for the finals, marking papers and writing report cards. In addition, nobody would be able to substitute for me, because we were already short-staffed. What's more, the Headmistress was also very worried for my safety. After some moments of deep thought, she said, "Not only can I not do without you at school, but I am also concerned about the dangerous situation you would be putting yourself in. As a young woman, how could you cross through battle lines into a war zone? Furthermore, even if you were able to rescue your sister-in-law, where would you put her up? She's a Communist, and if the government were to find out that you're hiding her somewhere, you would face the death penalty. We are a Christian school. As such, we should refrain from getting involved in politics."

When she finished, I said, "Whatever she is, Communist or Nationalist, she is my sister-in-law and her life is in danger. How can I watch her die with my arms folded? I cannot let her die. I must go."

The Headmistress frowned. "If you insist on going, what will happen to your work at school? How will we cope with the final examinations? Who will substitute for your classes?"

I was caught in a dilemma, and yet I could not let my sister-in-law die. So I replied, "I know I have put the school in a very difficult situation, but a person's life is at stake."

There was a long pause. Realizing that I was beyond persuasion, the Headmistress finally said, "If you insist, the consequences could be grave."

For the sake of my sister-in-law's life, I just had to make the decision to launch out to Siyang, whatever the cost. Upon hearing the Headmistress' remark, I indicated immediately that if my decision to leave made me unsuitable to continue teaching, I could resign. I would not, on the other hand, abandon my sister-in-law for my own interests. The Headmistress remained silent and returned to her office.

All the brothers and sisters in church, as well as my colleagues, objected to my going. They were anxious for my safety because of the heavy fighting going on in Siyang. However, my mind was made up.

Only afterwards did I come to learn that the skirmishes between the Communist New 4^th Troop and the Nationalist army had already escalated into war. The Nationalists had mobilized troops to surround several Communist forces and defeat them at the side of Hongze Lake. The Communists' strategy was to withdraw to the North to join forces with the 8^th Troop in central and southern Shandong Province. When the Nationalists discovered this plan, they were very worried. The chief commanding officer held that should the New 4^th Troop manage to cross the Longhai Railway Line, the Nationalists would have "released the tiger back into the hills." Therefore, the Xuzhou commander was ordered to block the Communists at all costs, keeping them to the southeast of the Longhai Railway Line. Thus was the ferocity and brutality of the war.

The troop that my brother and sister-in-law belonged to was aggressively pursued by the Nationalists when it was withdrawing to the north. My brother and some others managed to cross a river to avoid being encircled by the enemy, but my sister-in-law was among those who were blocked on the southern bank of the river and taken prisoner. It was fortunate that she never revealed her identity. When she was arrested, she was in civilian dress and insisted that she was only visiting her family. So she was held in a detention center, awaiting a family member to bail her out.

Alone on the Road
I made preparations to launch out to free my sister-in-law the day after I received her letter. Siyang was a good hundred kilometers away from our hometown, and transportation was suspended in many places because of the war. The only route I could take was first through Xuzhou, then through Suining and Suqian onto Siyang, which meant that I had to make a large, semi-circular detour. Most of the routes were along the provincial borders of Jiangsu, Shandong and Anhui. I did not have much money. At school, we were not paid in cash. Instead, every teacher got ten or twenty kilos of wheat every month. When I sold my ten kilos for twenty dollars, I started off. I took with me a cloth bag in which I put my Bible. You can imagine how dangerous it was for a woman in her twenties to travel alone through a battlefield at that time. All I could do was to commit everything into my omnipotent Father's hands, praying to Him to open the way for me.

Because the war had not yet spread to the eastern part, the cross-river route of the Jinpu Railway Line was still in operation. I could therefore travel smoothly from home to Xuzhou. I did not have much money left, however, after buying my train ticket. As the train set off, I looked out the window at the bleak landscape. There was nothing but yellow mud everywhere. I wondered what my destination would be like, as I prayed to the Lord silently in my heart. I knew that He is our omnipotent Savior and would lead me, whether through tall flames or deep waters, as written in Isaiah 43:1-3.

But now, thus says the Lord, your Creator, O Jacob, and He Who formed you, O Israel, "Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine! When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, nor will the flame burn you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior; I have given Egypt as your ransom, Cush and Seba in your place."

I stepped off the train in Xuzhou into the reality of war. It was only a year ago that I had studied here, but the transformation of the city was alarming. The atmosphere in the streets was tense and somber. Most of the shops had closed down, and the few that were open were half-empty. Yet, the place was teeming with soldiers and army trucks. Since ancient times, Xuzhou had been a transportation hub for five provinces and it was known as a peaceful, yet bustling city. For the same reason, it had also been a much-fought-over military strategic point. It was now a little more than an army camp, with the Nationalists' Central China Head Office of Bandit Control also being set up here. The very ground seemed to give off the stench of brutal killing, discouraging anyone to pass through.

I walked around the main streets, trying to inquire about how to get to Siyang. I was told that all forms of civil transportation had stopped and would not likely resume. More importantly, with war having broken out, this area had become a military zone, restricted only to authorized personnel. I trusted the Lord to prepare a way out for me. So I approached those in army uniforms to see what plans could be made.

A soldier saw me and asked, "What do you do?"

"I'm a teacher," I replied.

"A teacher?" He looked at me again and asked, "Where are you going?"

I told him that I wanted to go to Siyang.

"Siyang?" Eyeing me suspiciously, he asked, "What for?"

I told him that I had some business to attend to. This made him even more suspicious. He began to question me. What kind of business? What was my place of origin? Where was my home? In order to gain his trust and sympathy, I told him that my eldest brother was a regiment leader in the 46^th Troop of the Nationalist army. Only then did he mellow a little.

With this attitude change in him, I tried to make some requests. I asked, "Since there is no civilian transportation, can I travel with you all?"

He was a little taken aback. Perhaps he found my request a little too far-fetched. Perhaps he was struck by my determination. After some thought, he said, "It's very dangerous. But if you're not afraid, we can ask the Head Officer for permission."

After arrangements had been made, I started out with them. Their troop was heading for the southern part of Siyang County and therefore would pass the town of Siyang. The army truck I was in drove out of the east gate of Xuzhou and sped on towards the southeast. It is said that this was the route by which Xiang Yu and Liu Bang fled after they lost a major battle in Xuzhou near Nine-mile Hill. Standing in the army truck, I was surrounded by somber-looking soldiers. Shortly after leaving Xuzhou, we heard gunfire from both our right and left, increasing in intensity as we drove on. In no time, we found ourselves in the midst of the crossfire, with bullets flying overhead like swarms of locusts. It was as though there were big firecrackers going off continuously all around us. I was terrified, and even the soldiers were nervous. I thought to myself, if I were to die here, my family would never know. And what would happen to my sister-in-law? Who would go to the detention camp to save her? I knew that at a time such as this, hardly anybody would care that a few more people had died. While bullets showered down around me, I called upon the Lord. He gradually calmed me down and helped me to believe that no matter how difficult the circumstances would be, no danger would befall me.

As the trucks drove on, a command was issued from the front line, ordering us to stop and await further orders. Our truck stopped. Later, we drove on again - and had to stop again. With many such stops along the way, it was dusk by the time we reached Siyang. Having left Xuzhou early in the morning, we had traveled for almost a whole day in the cold, without a single drop of water to drink, let alone food to eat. Yet, I continued to thank and praise the Lord. He had miraculously brought me through a forbidden area that would have been impossible for me to cross, even with wings!

As night set in, I walked along the streets of Siyang. I did not know a single soul. What worried me more was the fact that I had not even met my sister-in-law before. Guided by the address she had sent me, I finally found the place where she was detained. After studying my travel pass, the guards asked me, "What's your relationship with Zhang Zhi?" Only then did I know that my sister-in-law was called Zhang Zhi. So I replied, "Zhang Zhi is my sister-in-law." Then I continued, "I don't know why she's been detained, but she wrote to ask me to bail her out."

"All right then," they said. "Wait here."

More than half an hour passed before they brought out not one, but four women. I was shocked. They all looked about the same age and were dressed in almost the same fashion. Which one was my sister-in-law? I knew that they were testing me. If I picked out the wrong person, not only would my sister-in-law be in danger but also myself. In my panic, I called upon God to help me calm down in order to get through the crisis.

As I stood there, lost in thought, suddenly one of the women exclaimed, "Sister, you've come!" She appeared to be very happy. My heart, too, leaped with joy. This must be my sister-in-law! How clever of her! Looking her up and down, I saw that she was about my age and very pretty. I thought to myself, what should I say?

In order to relieve the tension, I sighed and said, "Oh my! I nearly got myself killed getting here! Had I not got a ride with the army, I would never have made it, even with wings!" I pretended to be angry and scolded her, "What's the matter with you? What on earth have you been doing, running around when it is so dangerous?"

After this, the guards cross-examined me, asking me about my province of origin, my profession, my family members, my social connections, and so on. I knew that this was a routine procedure, so I stuck to the facts. I told them that I was a teacher at a missionary-run school and that I was a Christian. To win their trust, I deliberately told them that my eldest brother was a regiment leader in the Nationalists' 46^th Troop. Only afterwards did I realize that the 46^th Troop was actually stationed in the vicinity. Pulling this string was definitely conducive to obtaining my sister-in-law's release. I also told them that I had a cousin in Xuzhou, who was also a Nationalist army officer, in order to strengthen our family's credibility. Indeed, they became so friendly that they did not prevent me from talking to my sister-in-law. They even began asking me where I had graduated from. When I told them I had graduated from the Provincial Teachers' College in Xuzhou in 1945, they began chatting about who was the head and who were the teachers of that college and so on.

In the course of the questioning, a young man who appeared to be an officer came in. He immediately addressed me. "You're from the Provincial Teachers' College? What are you doing here?" He, too, happened to be a graduate of the Provincial Teachers' College, a year my senior. Naturally, I was overjoyed at meeting an old schoolmate. I thought, God's planning is just amazing! This man's arrival will be my trump card. My judgment was proven correct. The guards stopped their questioning and told me to take a rest so that they could further discuss my case. I felt a sense of relief. Upon their return, they told me to fill out some forms according to procedure. I had to document my family background and explain why I was acting as the guarantor for my sister-in-law. After two days of review, my bail request was approved.

When I received the wonderful news of my sister-in-law's release, I was overwhelmed with thanksgiving that she had escaped death. But just as I was accompanying my sister-in-law out of the prison compound, something interesting happened. One of the soldiers said to me, "Now that we are handing her over to you, don't you think you should thank us?" According to Chinese custom, 'thank' can mean many things. Although I was young, I understood the connotation. I felt cornered because I had very little money on me. If I gave them what I had, we would have nothing for our return fare. But in order to leave with my sister-in-law as soon as possible, I could not afford to hesitate. As I gave them all my money, I cried out to God in my heart, "O Lord, I hand everything over to You. Just as You have led me all the way here, I trust You can save us and bring us safely home."

As we left the detention center, penniless, I wondered how we would get home. All I knew was that we had to leave this place as fast as we possibly could. There was no public transportation available and we couldn't afford to rent a private vehicle. Right then, I ran into my schoolmate from the Provincial Teachers' College again. When I poured out my difficulties to him, he surprised me by saying, "Relax! Leave it to me. I will arrange for you to get out of here as soon as possible."

He came looking for me early the next morning. Coincidentally, an army truck going to Xuzhou was passing through, and the driver was a good friend of his. My schoolmate urged me to get into the truck saying, "There's no time to talk now. Just get on the truck and go home. That's the most important thing!" It was a fine but very cold winter morning. My sister-in-law and I sat in the truck and stared at the sun-bathed city walls of Siyang. We knew that we were finally heading home.

Looking back, I recall it was an ordeal. During the fifty-kilometer journey, we had nothing to eat or drink and little clothing to keep us warm from the cold weather. We traveled home from Xuzhou lying on heaps of coal in a cargo train, chilled to the bone by whipping winds as the train rolled along. I thank God for this, however, because I know that He was training me through these hard times to prepare in me a willingness to suffer.

Everyone was overjoyed when we arrived home. Although the brothers and sisters in church complained that I had taken too much of a risk, they were happy that I had returned safely. The final exams were over and it was time to grade the papers. After helping my sister-in-law settle in, I decided to drop by the school. With my heart pounding, I walked into the schoolyard, expecting the Headmistress to show me the door. When she saw me, however, she said only one thing: "It's high time for you to get on with the marking."

My family lived in a small city, so all our neighbors knew that we were putting up a Communist in our home. Some were worried that this secret might leak out, but my family and I were determined to protect Sister-in-law, come what may. We did not know that something was about to happen which would change our plan completely.

No sooner had I completed all my grading and student appraisals than a letter from my third brother arrived. It was brought from Tengxian, Shandong Province by a messenger who knocked at our door at night and left immediately afterwards. My brother did not know that I had already brought his wife home. In his letter, he told me to go to Siyang immediately to bail his wife out and accompany her to Tengxian. I was to contact Pastor Li Zai Dao of Tengxian church when I arrived. Pastor Li was our own pastor's classmate in Huabei Seminary and was a responsible person. The very next day, I set off with my sister-in-law, again carrying only the cloth bag that contained my Bible.

Not a Cock's Crow for a Thousand Miles
We went to Xuzhou first, then north onto Lincheng. The Lincheng Railway line was the center of intense guerrilla fighting against the Japanese. Only after arriving at Lincheng did we discover that all northbound railway routes had been suspended because Communist troops were garrisoned there. An area of about eighty miles between Lincheng and Tengxian was designated as a ceasefire zone for both armies. In other words, we had to walk across to Tengxian. It was a freezingly cold day in the lunar twelfth month, after the winter solstice. Darkness was setting in early as we trudged along.

It was as though we had walked into an uninhabited area. We did not see a single soul during the whole day's walk. As was written in ancient books, in times of war, not even a cock's crow could be heard for a thousand miles in the central plains. We experienced exactly the same sad circumstances. We did not see any troops, but we sometimes heard gunfire nearby. Sometimes, shots even flew past our heads! As we walked, I said to my sister-in-law, "We must pray to God. Had He not saved you, you would never have got out of the detention camp. Now, we must beg Him to lead us forward." So we prayed as we walked. And finally, we arrived at Tengxian deep in the night.

Pastor Li Zai Dao accommodated us with warm hospitality. My sister-in-law could hardly contain her excitement at returning to a Communist garrisoned area. Early the next morning, as she ran to the Communist county committee hall, she saw her husband walk out of the same building. My brother was stunned when he heard her calling his name. He stood, mumbling repeatedly, "I'm not dreaming, am I?"

I had only stayed at Tengxian for one day when my brother said to me, "This is not a place for you to stay long. Our troops will pull out soon. Leave as soon as you can." Early the next morning, my brother sent his bodyguard to walk me home. We took the same route by which I had come. Again, not a soul could be seen along the way. After about twenty miles or so, the bodyguard seemed to sense something and did not want to go any further. He said, "It's too dangerous ahead! I just can't chaperone you anymore. You'll have to continue on your own." With that, he turned and left me - a defenseless young lady -- all alone on the road! What was more, it was getting dark. I called on God: "O Lord, please save me!"

Just then, I saw a weak, flickering light far in the distance. I told myself that it was probably Lincheng. I headed towards the light, praying as I went. "O Lord, please don't let me run into any bandits or wild beasts," I cried. "Please bring me safely to Lincheng." About two and a half kilometers from Lincheng, a few men jumped out of the dark. Apparently, they were Nationalist soldiers on sentry duty. They began to question me: Where was I from? Where was I going? Why was I still on the road in the dark? I was very calm. I told them that I was on my way home, and I showed them that I had nothing except a Bible. They looked inside my cloth bag and hastily waved me on.

Only after arriving at Lincheng did I realize that although this was a fairly large city, there was not a civilian in sight. The streets were filled with troops. Worried, I wondered where I would spend the night. I began to cry out to God. While in prayer, I saw an elderly man walking past me. I ran up to him and shouted, "Sir, where can I find a guesthouse?"

Looking at me, he replied, "You're looking for a guesthouse? I don't see any civilians around. Do you?"

"You're right," I said. "But I'd like to find a place to stay overnight."

He pondered deeply for a while and said, "At such a time, where can you find a guesthouse to stay in?"

"Any kind of place will do. I just need to rest," I said.

The kind old man replied, "It looks like you'll have to stay with me."

The old man's 'home' was a run-down thatched hut. There was only one bed. After lighting the kerosene lamp, he said, "Behind the door, there's some hay you can sleep on." As he spoke, he handed me a torn quilt. I sat down on the pile of hay, drew up my legs in front of me and covered myself over my head with the torn quilt.

In the middle of the night, there was a thunderous banging on the door. The old man jumped out of bed to open it. Six or seven soldiers entered, asking him if anyone had come to the house. "Nobody!" he replied. They said that if they found anyone staying with him, he would be in serious trouble. During that night alone, soldiers barged into the house three times. Because of the tiny size of the hut, the soldiers stepped on my feet whenever they opened the door to walk through. Yet I was never discovered. I have to thank God for this because I know that it was He who blinded their eyes so that they did not find me, even as they stood right beside me. Since I did not want to endanger the old man, I said, "Let me leave - otherwise, I'll bring you trouble."

"Of course not!" he replied. "You're just a girl! If they arrest you, you'll be ruined!"

It was close to the Spring Festival (Chinese New Year) when I arrived home. Lying in bed, listening to the occasional sounds of firecrackers, and thinking over the events of the past few days, I felt as though it was all a dream. I thought to myself, "Had it not been for the Lord's protection, I don't know where I would be!" So I was determined to love the Lord ever deeper, just as He had shown His love to me.

In 1947, during the civil war between the Nationalists and the Communists, there was a time when I took my students to hide in a room. A bomb landed on a house not far from us and my leg was injured by shrapnel. Many others were injured too. Yet the Lord had compassion on me so that I recovered swiftly after the operation to remove the shrapnel. I thank the Lord for saving me from death.

Rejoicing in My Heart
At the end of 1948, China was liberated. I did not want to continue teaching because I wanted to focus on the Lord. God remembered my heart's desire the following year, giving me an opportunity to enter China Theological Seminary.

In this new period of turmoil, nobody could travel within the country without a letter of recommendation or travel permit. Railway operations near my home were suspended, so I had no choice but to walk ninety kilometers in two days to Bangbu. There, I took a train to Nanjing, where I stayed with my elder sister. Soon after, through Pastor Xie's recommendation, I entered the seminary. I was rejoicing as though I had entered the new heaven and the new earth!

It was as though every blade of grass and every plant in the seminary were inspiring me to press on for the Lord. I found my schoolmates to be friendly, with many admirable qualities. In those three years, I learned something about the truth, and my life was renewed to a certain degree. Yet, I was far from satisfied. I still endeavored to pursue Christ Jesus with all my strength that I might gain Him.

During the time I spent in seminary, I volunteered to go to the leprosarium every week in order to lead the Sunday worship. Many of the others in the seminary were unwilling to go because the appearance of the leprous patients struck fear into their hearts. Nevertheless, I was not affected. These patients lived at the foot of a hill and they exerted their diseased bodies in every way in order to get to the church at the top of the hill for worship. Whenever they saw us coming, they would welcome us as though the Lord Himself was coming to them. Each time, I was moved to tears. The Lord kept drawing me closer to Him and giving me deeper compassion and love for them. In fact, I felt that it was not I that was helping them, but rather they who were helping me to love the Lord more deeply. Unfortunately, when the government took over the management of the leprosarium, I lost the opportunity to visit them.

I especially cherish the memory of a teacher from England at the seminary. Indeed, she was a faithful servant of the Lord and lived out the image of Christ in her life. God's power and wisdom of speech so dwelt in her that every encounter with her brought a vivid teaching from Him. I saw her off at the train station when she left Hangzhou in 1952. Not knowing when I would ever see her again, my heart ached and I could not hold back my tears. When some soldiers of the People's Liberation Army saw me, they called me a "running dog" for the foreign imperialists - in other words, a traitor. How could they ever understand spiritual things?

Knit Together with One Heart
In 1952, when I was working with the China Inland Mission, I met Brother Xia. He had graduated from university and his family had very high hopes for him. He not only became a Christian, but also dedicated himself to serve the Lord and went to the seminary. Infuriated, his parents drove him out of the house for good. He started to preach at Ling Liang Church in Hangzhou in 1952. With Brother Peter as our matchmaker, Brother Xia and I were married on March 15, 1953. Under the Lord's guidance, together we shared Paul's goal: For I determined to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ, and Him crucified (First Corinthians 2:2).

My husband was particularly keen to help young people, and he was able to communicate well with them. Subsequently, he became known for his youth ministry. This drew a lot of attention, and began to bring us trouble.

In 1955, the Su Fan (Grave Attack) Campaign began. Although the campaign had as its target the cultural arts, the church was brought into it as well. We were asked to criticize Mr. Wang Ming Dao, a well-known preacher at that time. Mr. Wang had previously come to my village to lead worship meetings. Because he emphasized holiness in his messages, I deeply felt that he was a faithful servant of God. How would I dare to aim unfounded criticism at God's servant? Because we would not submit to these campaigners, we became their target. On top of that, the fact that we did not join the 'Three Self' Church Movement made us anti-revolutionists. So we had to 'study,' that is, undergo brainwashing and 'confess our crimes' every day.

One day, the Religious Affairs Department held a meeting and banquet for church workers in our city, inviting us to join government service. Pastor Rong Guang patted my husband on his back and jokingly said, "Brother Xia, it is thanks to you that we have this feast today!" Everyone was in a merry mood, eating and drinking, but my husband was terribly sad and did not even take a bite. At the height of the merriment, he declared, "I will not join the 'Three Self' Church." The shock brought a wave of deathly silence across the room. Next to speak was the Head of Religious Affairs. "If you won't drink the cup of honor, then wait for the cup of punishment!" he thundered. My husband's excommunication was announced the following Sunday. That was January 8, 1955, and it was also the day our eldest son was born. We named him Zan Mei, which means 'Praise.'

We did not know where to turn after being excommunicated. One day, my husband went out for a walk and met Pastor Yu's wife. When she asked where he was going, he said, "I'm looking for an apartment."

"Come and stay with us," Mrs. Yu said. Thank the Lord! He knew our need and prepared for us a very big room.

On October 26, 1955, my husband was arrested and all his books were confiscated. That very night, Zan Mei did not sleep a wink. He laughed happily and crawled from one end of the bed to the other until dawn! He had never been like this before. God filled my son with joy and in turn, I myself was filled with comfort and praise. Afterwards, I dedicated my son to the Lord.

My husband was put in a hard labor camp in Qinghai for five years and my days as the wife of a counter-revolutionary were also hard. Every day, I took my son along with me to attend brainwashing sessions. There I wrote confessions and received verbal abuse and physical punishment. My husband was fiercely attacked over the radio and in the Zhejiang Daily News as a counter-revolutionary. I could hardly eat during this grueling period of time. I thank the Lord for being with me, however. Relying on Him, I had peace in my heart because He was my strength and help.

One night, despite strong winds, Brother Zhang, a young man who loved the Lord, came to visit and to comfort me. Soon afterwards, he was arrested. In 1996, forty years later, he visited me again. How happy we were to meet each other again! We talked endlessly about those dark and stormy days, the happy as well as painful experiences. It was miraculous that we could survive all this and meet again! I want to thank the Lord for His amazing grace.

Once, Zan Mei contracted serious bronchitis. He ran a high fever that would not subside and his life seemed to be ebbing away. But as I was penniless I could not afford to bring him to a doctor. I could only kneel before the Lord, pleading with Him to have mercy on my son. This was at an hour when everyone was fast asleep. Suddenly, Brother Yang paid us a visit. "Why have you come at this late hour?" I asked.

"I don't know," he replied. "I just felt I should come to see you."

Brother Yang saw how sick Zan Mei was and immediately picked him up to bring him to the hospital. At that very moment, Sister Xie arrived. She too had felt an urge to come to see me. So this brother and sister accompanied me to the hospital. The doctor said, "Had you waited another five minutes, your child would have died." Timely emergency medical treatment had saved Zan Mei's life. What a wonderful Lord! He makes no mistakes and He is the God Who loves to show mercy. Once again, I dedicated Zan Mei to Him, hoping that He would be pleased to accept my son to serve Him in the future.

In 1957, I returned to Shanghai to live with my mother-in-law, and began teaching because I did not want to add to her financial burden. I only taught for three months because it was during the height of the anti-rightist movement. The school knew that I was both a Christian and the wife of a counter-revolutionary, and told me that I could not implement the principles of Marxist educational philosophy because of my idealistic thinking (that is, my Christian faith). Without any hope of getting a job, I had no choice but to leave Shanghai with my son, drifting from place to place. Throughout these times, the Lord kept me under His protection, saving me from many disasters and temptations. And every time there was danger and need, He found a safe place for me to take shelter. Although there was nobody to turn to, I could always turn to Him to provide me with the security I longed for.

My Husband in Hard Labor Camp
In my husband's hard labor camp, three months were set aside for "winter training" every year. During this period of time, very stringent, critical attacks were carried out on the inmates. They questioned my husband on the subject of his faith, asking, for example, "Why are you still hanging onto your faith? Why do you still believe in Jesus? Come on, speak up!" He then began giving testimonies such as, "Before I believed in Jesus, I was a bad person. But after I believed in Jesus, I became a new creation -- all because the Crucified Lord saved me, transformed me and gave me eternal life." Each time he witnessed, they would lash back at him more fiercely because they were furious that he dared even to "preach superstition" to them in their territory. They stripped him at temperatures of -30^oC. But his body could not withstand the cold, and he collapsed and froze. So they carried him off to the morgue. He surprised them all, however, by regaining consciousness a week later. Every time the attacks became brutal, he would faint. Thank the Lord that he did not have to listen to the "howling of these wolves." He took a long and peaceful rest in the morgue instead!

In 1958, I went to Xian and stayed there for half a year. There, I received a very long letter from my husband. It was written while he was on night duty in the hospital on a rainy night. All the patients were fast asleep. It was very peaceful and there were no interruptions. The Holy Spirit inspired him to write this letter about how he pined for the Lord:

...O Yahweh, I love You! I thirst for You! In a parched and withered land, I thirst after You. My heart longs for You as a deer pants for water by the stream. When will I be able to return and dwell in Your house? I often feed on my tears, O Lord, but at the very thought of You, sweetness fills my soul. At the very thought of You, my sorrow turns into joy. You are the Lily of the Valley, without Whom I cannot live...

When he finished the letter, he asked the guard who was in charge of him to post it. Not only was the letter not posted but he was also berated. "Your bourgeois mentality is too strong. You are writing love letters! What's all this "Yahweh, I love You! I thirst for You!" business? Who is Yahweh? Is Yahweh your wife? Will she understand your letter? Do you know that you are a hard labor camp convict? You have no right to write love letters. Take it back!"

My husband did not despair. He fully understood that the Holy Spirit had inspired and constrained him to write this letter. He knew that God must have His own perfect reason for this. So he persisted in begging the guard to send this letter. In fact, this letter left an indelibly good impression on the guard. He admired what he saw as my husband's creativity and academic ability. In fact the letter so drew his attention that his mind could not rest for a long time. He recalled how he was orphaned and raised by his grandmother. She was a devout Christian who would take him to worship God at church every Sunday. Whenever she fasted, she would also tell him to fast. He regarded her as a fine Christian since she worshipped God with such sincerity of heart. After reading this letter, he thought about my husband, who was well-educated and good-looking, who gave up everything for his faith in God. Not only that, he was willing to suffer much for his faith. There must be some truth and reason behind his determination to do this. Thus, the Holy Spirit worked in the guard's heart. He thought of his grandmother again and was convinced that she was a Christian who worked together with God. In this way, he began to seek the truth about God.

After a period of time, the Chief Justice of the court took ill and he specifically asked for my husband to attend to him. However, as a hard labor convict, my husband had no freedom to travel alone. God arranged matters so that this very guard was assigned to accompany him on the journey. They traveled together on horseback. Reaching a plateau between the hills, the guard suggested that they take a rest. Then, he took hold of my husband and began to weep. "I owe you the greatest apology," he said. "I want to believe in God. I want to repent and turn to Jesus. I have been observing you throughout these years and you have God's Spirit in you. No matter what you do, you do it with all your heart and mind. Your conduct is extraordinary and I can see that God is with you."

It was evident that the Spirit of God was present with both of them. My husband then baptized him in a clear creek and they both rejoiced greatly. What a wonderful God! Doesn't He work in an amazing way?

The Lord Holds My Hand
In 1959, I moved to Beijing after my brother successfully applied for my resident status there. I tutored his eight children and took care of the housework. The children were very obedient and respectful, and I loved them. Despite my exhaustion, I was very thankful. The political climate in Beijing was tense but the Lord's leading was wonderful as always. Fortunately, I was granted resident status in Beijing because that saved me from many dangerous situations and abusive treatment.

In 1960, many, many people died from the famine in the provinces of Anhui and Henan. There was no job or land to farm. Suffering from hunger, my mother sought refuge with my brother in Beijing. Fortunately, the Lord led me to Beijing first, or else my mother, my son, Zan Mei, and I would have had to starve again. Isn't it always true that although I do not know what the future holds, the Lord always leads me by His hand. I really must thank the Lord for His protection.

In 1961, my husband was suddenly moved by the prison authorities to Qinghai Lake to fish. At that time, famine was everywhere in the country. Countless numbers of ordinary people had died from starvation, not to mention hard labor camp convicts. Fish was my husband's favorite food, and he was filled every day with this extremely nutritious food: steamed bread fried in fish oil. He went to Qinghai with 2,000 inmates but only 200 survived. After four months at Qinghai Lake, he was very fit, in fact the heaviest he had ever weighed. Oh, what a wonderful Lord! All glory is His and He gives His glory to His children. Later, everybody offered up thanks to the Lord when my husband finally returned home.

That winter, his fellow hard labor inmates were released to go home. However, my husband was not on the name list of those who were to be released. The day came when everybody else took their seats on the bus to return home. He stood nearby, waiting to see how the Lord would lead him because the Lord had told him that those who had been captured would return home. At the last minute, when things began to seem hopeless, his name was called and he was told to get on the bus speedily. He was filled with thankfulness. Nobody can obstruct the Lord's will because He is in command.

It happened, therefore, that one early morning in December, my husband suddenly appeared before our eyes. He had not previously informed us when he would return, so I felt as though I was dreaming. I was absolutely incredulous and thanked the Lord for His wonderful working. The Lord delights to allow His servants who revere Him to return peacefully.

Through Dr. Chen's recommendation, my husband began working in the Central Hospital of my hometown. There were altogether four doctors in the Department of Internal Medicine. They were all Christians who had been persecuted for their faith. The Lord especially blessed them with His protection in the short days they enjoyed together so that they declared His lovingkindness to be sweeter than honey.

My second son was born in August 1963. Then came the Si Qing (Four Cleanups) Campaign. Once again, my husband had to attend brainwashing sessions in a political school. As before, he constantly suffered verbal attack and received ruthless criticism for many things, such as his "bourgeois thinking" and belief in God. Eventually, he was sent to work at a printing press as a form of "correction through labor." Although the job was designed to torment him, he overcame difficulties and whatever he did, he did well. Even the most experienced workers could not match his agility and skill. The Spirit of God was with him, blessing him with wisdom because he revered God in all that he did.

That same year, I was fired while I was teaching in the county kindergarten because of my faith. Yet I thank the Lord for giving me two hands to provide for the family through knitting. I knitted with two other sisters and was unspeakably happy. Thank the Lord Who provided strength for each day so that my heart remained steadfast and my feet stayed on His path.

Becoming a Spectacle to the World
In 1965, the Cultural Revolution began. We had to be "re-educated" all the time. Once we understood what we were taught, we had to launch public taunts and criticisms against "bull spirits and snake gods," an expression used to describe superstitious religious beliefs. I could not bring myself to participate and therefore quickly became a target. Every day, we had to brace ourselves against bullying and insults.

On July 17, 1965, in the early morning, I gave birth to our daughter. My husband named her Chen Shi, which means 'Angel of Dawn'. She was born with boils all over her body. So much medication had to be applied on her body that she hardly looked like a baby. What is more, we were struck by a heat wave during the following month, with temperatures reaching 40^oC. Our small room was so hot and stuffy that we could not sleep. So we sat outside in the yard all day, feeling dizzy and stifled by the heat. On top of that, my baby was sickly due to malnutrition. Yet after two months, thank the Lord, she gradually improved and color returned to her cheeks.

Between 1965 and 1969, there was not a day of peace for us. If it was not listening to violent verbal abuse and accusation, it was parading on the streets wearing tall dunce hats covered with shameful incriminations. My husband stood out because he was tall, to begin with. We were made a spectacle to the world because of unfounded charges.

I often prayed and had fellowship with a sister who was living in the same neighborhood. So our persecutors accused us of carrying out secret activities and brought that sister, my husband and me, for rigorous public interrogation. Furthermore, they charged us with a baffling accusation -- sending telegrams to Taiwan! So they imprisoned us and repeatedly searched our homes. During this time, my husband suffered from heart disease, high blood pressure and stomach ulcers. If it were not for the Lord's compassion, it would have been very hard for him to endure these ailments. Indeed, if the Lord had not stayed by us, we would have lost courage very early on.

In the winter of 1969, we were xia fang, that is, sent to a rural area.* We told ourselves that it was not that bad. At least we would escape the political turmoil in the city. Little did we know what was coming. One day, a truck drove up beside me and some men told me to get on. "Wait until my husband and children return and we'll leave together," I said. But they refused and dragged me along the ground like a dead pig. My hands were scraped and cut and my body was bleeding badly. Just at this time, my husband and children turned up and our persecutors pushed us all onto the truck. They took us against our will to a place about fifty kilometers away. They then instructed village officials and farmers to tighten surveillance over us, saying that we were top-level spies and counter-revolutionaries. Again, we were paraded in the streets wearing dunce hats on our heads and placards around our necks and once more, we became a spectacle for all to see. Our persecutors in the village were as bad as the ones in the city. If the Lord had not given us superhuman strength, those days would have been unbearable. Every thought of the Lord brought much sweetness and comfort. How deeply I felt that I could not, even for a moment, do without the Lord Who loves us.

After some time, the village folk changed their attitude towards us, becoming more warm and friendly. We no longer seemed so frightening to them. My husband treated many difficult medical cases, thus winning their hearts and favor. Later, some farmers started a community clinic and invited him to be the doctor in attendance. There, he successfully treated many patients and the country folk were delighted because many of the ailments troubling them were healed.

Sometime later, however, the wife of Secretary Li of the production brigade fell ill. After attending to her, my husband charged her a fee, just as he did all the villagers. The Secretary was extremely unhappy, as he had not been shown special favor. So he found an excuse and said, "Old Xia, you still have problems with your political standing and ideology and need to undergo self-criticism before going back to your job." Secretary Li was seized with such a terrible rage that he ordered the Head of the production department to impose tighter restrictions on my husband and to give him the most difficult and the most strenuous manual labor to do. As a result, my husband's old illnesses resurfaced. He was so ill that he could not get out of bed. From then on, all the farmers thought very highly of their Dr. Xia and he was regarded as a man of integrity and fairness. He established a reputation for godliness among the villagers and so won their trust. We give thanks to the Lord for this.

(*Footnote: During this time, many educated people were sent to the countryside for 'reform through manual labor.')

Eleven years after we were sent to the village, our house burned down. We rebuilt the house the following year, only to have it torn apart again by a hurricane. During the torrential rain, every part of our ceiling leaked except for an area about the size of a desk. Our whole family squeezed into that corner and my husband led us in singing songs of praise. Our voices rang with joy. The villagers, however, thought that we were wailing because our house had collapsed. But when they came over to comfort us, they were surprised to find us singing! They ridiculed us. We understood, however, that all things work out for good for those who love the Lord (Romans 8:28). We rejoiced, relying on God's promises as He put His peace in our hearts.

Another time, while we were pounding wheat on open ground, strong winds arose, churning up the wheat and blowing it into the river. We had been looking forward so eagerly to the harvest and to being able to eat steamed buns. Now, all our hard work had come to nothing. All that we had grown disappeared into the water before us. The villagers sighed hopelessly, but we gave thanks to the Lord despite the endless difficulties we encountered. I recalled the Lord's words in Luke 22:28, "...you are those who have stood by Me in My trials." When we relied on the Lord, our hearts felt relieved and contented. In spite of constant suffering, we could still leap for joy.

Rebuilding Our Home
After eleven years of exile, everybody was able to return home - except for us. We had thought of pulling some strings to get the permit, but we had neither the money nor the energy. So we decided that if the Lord so willed that we never leave the village, it would be good enough for us. Then, out of the blue, my younger sister from Hong Kong visited me. When she learned that I had been sent to the countryside by the government, she went to the authorities and asked, "What crime has my sister committed? Please tell me why has she still not been allowed to return home?" Thanks be to the Lord! It only took one day for the government authorities to process my city residency permit and to deliver it to my sister. I did not exert an ounce of energy and we were thus able to see His glory. Nothing is impossible for our God!

On December 23, 1980, I moved back to the city. I thank the Lord that my sister built a three-room house for us to live in. Two years later, the Lord inspired me to open a kindergarten in our home. On the one hand, this solved our financial difficulties and on the other, it provided schooling for the children in the neighborhood. Most children could not attend public kindergarten, as recommendation letters from three levels of authority were required. My kindergarten, therefore, relieved many parents' headaches. They appreciated it despite its poor conditions. The government also supported us, and I was awarded the title of "Model Worker." All things went smoothly because the Lord's hand was in them.

Our family worship also began at the same time that we opened the kindergarten. Furthermore, my children began schooling and our hearts were filled with praise. With the Lord's special blessing, our long-yearned-for dreams were realized - my husband preached and led Bible studies and we served the Lord together. We saw the Lord working to reveal His glory and many people were added to our gathering. However, we also drew the attention of the 'Three Self' Church. They invited my husband to preach there and also to work at their hospital, but he turned them down. Later, they made trouble for us by reporting our family worship to the authorities. Because our gathering was not registered and therefore had no permit from the government, we were not allowed to meet. The government authorities ordered that we stop holding meetings. And so the believers were scattered. However, we continued to meet in twos and threes for worship and fellowship, although we were kept under close surveillance. The Lord Himself protected us.

The Spreading Fire
One night in February 1993, I dreamed that my husband went to be with the Lord. In my dream I saw us singing "God Be with You till We Meet Again," "The Heavenly Father is Faithful" and "On That Glorious Shore." I also saw a brother preaching, and he was filled with the Holy Spirit. It was like a revival meeting. I had never seen anything like this before and I was very happy. The next morning, I told my husband that I had had a dream. He reproached me, saying that I should not be talking about dreams early in the morning. So I said, "You must listen to this because it is important and it has to do with you."

"All right, tell me!" he replied. After he heard it, he was extremely happy. From then on, I had a premonition that something out of my expectation would happen to him.

On March 15, 1993, on our 40^th wedding anniversary, my husband fell seriously ill. Our children were all by his bedside and donated blood to him. He could not drink but he was still very alert and logical in his speech. All our children respected their father and loved to listen to his words of wisdom.

During the night of March 29^th, my husband suddenly cried out, "Hallelujah! Praise the Lord!"

Our children asked him, "Papa, why are you so happy?"

He replied, "I saw the heavens opening up for me. The Lord will bring me home soon."

The other patients also heard his loud cry. And he asked them to believe in the Lord Jesus quickly. The following day, our whole family held a worship service at the hospital with my husband preaching. He exhorted us, saying, "After I depart, the church must resume worship again."

All our children were there at the scene when their father said this. Our younger son then said, "I want to dedicate myself for the Lord's use. Please pray for me, Papa." So my husband laid hands on his head to pray for him and dedicated him to the Lord.

On April 1^st, the Lord took my husband. His face looked radiant, as though he was asleep. Peacefully, he went to see Jesus. Never again would he have sorrow and tears as he would be with the Lord from then on.

On April 5^th, three hundred people came to the funeral home for the memorial service. Even before that, many had come to keep vigil, pleading with the Lord to safeguard us from any disturbance. The Lord was, indeed, with us, and the Holy Spirit's power was at work on that day. The preacher and the brother who prayed were both empowered by the Holy Spirit. Never before had we seen such a Spirit-filled scene and we were inspired. The Manager of the funeral home said, "In all my years here, I have never seen such a solemn and godly sight. The hymns were so touching and I have never heard such beautiful music. Who is the deceased? Why have so many people come to pay their respects? How very moving! It must be wonderful to believe in God as he did. We would like to believe in God too." The police were present at the memorial service. They had kept watch over my husband for all these years. Thank the Lord for protecting him continually from these men until his death.

When the Lord took my dear husband away, I was left in deep sorrow. We had been fighting the spiritual battle together for all these years, sharing the same heart and mind. I was at a loss without my co-worker. Although my children loved the Lord, they were immature. With many brothers and sisters in the church to care for, I felt limited in strength and begged the Lord for a co-worker. I thank Him for hearing my earnest pleas. From that time onwards, brothers and sisters began to visit and help me regularly. My younger son also had the opportunity to be trained to serve the Lord. He loved the Lord so much that he resigned from his job at a research institute in order to learn to serve Him single-mindedly.

After my husband's death, my eldest son also began to love the Lord. He said, "Papa has died, but I have come to life." He sincerely hopes that one day, he too, will be trained to serve the Lord. May the Lord grant him that opportunity! During these few years, the Lord has been with me, and a dear pastor has been showing his concern for me in many ways. Many brothers and sisters have been wholeheartedly helping me. The church has grown a great deal. And my younger son has returned home after his training. When he saw that I was not in good health, he told me to make sure to get enough rest. I thank the Lord for my son's love. The Lord has allowed me to draw near to Him in quietness during these final years of my life. How truly wonderful He is!

Conclusion
I recall the difficult times in my life when, through the many tribulations and sufferings, I did not forget my Lord Jesus Christ Who died for me on the cross. I did not disobey His words and I gained comfort from this. So I could still leap with joy in the midst of constant suffering.

Suffering has been good for me. Suffering has caused me to learn His commandments. The Lord has allowed me to taste much bitter sorrow, which has turned to be my blessing today. My sons, daughters-in-law and daughter all believe in the Lord and are very filial towards me as well. When Christians and non-Christians greatly admire the harmony our family enjoys and tell me how blessed I am, I thank the Lord, Who shows mercy to me and gives me grace which surpasses my understanding and needs.

Presently, I am a white-haired, old lady who suffers from a range of illnesses. But I am still just as determined to love the Lord as much as I did in my younger days. May He uphold me until I see Him face to face! As I complete this testimony, I sincerely hope that it will be helpful to brothers and sisters who intend to serve the Lord. Please remember, however, that I am just an ordinary elderly sister. Do not think of me more highly than I deserve because that would be inappropriate.

Because of the Lord's compassion, He will not quench a smoldering wick like me (Matthew 12:20). Therefore by His grace and through the leading of the Holy Spirit, I hope that brothers and sisters will encourage each other to run the race together, to press on towards the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus (Philippians 3:14).

A weak member of the Lord's body,

Jing Rong
October 1999

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